Do I look like I like Marmite?

I said Marmalade, thank you

The perils of ordering breakfast

I spend many of my mornings in small cafĂ©s (ok greasy spoons) as I like to leave early, miss the commuting crowd and get in early. This still leaves me time for a spot of breakfast. My needs are generally simple – a decent cup of tea (essential) and often some toast and marmalade. So why do I keep nearly getting Marmite?

The Problem

I go to the counter and order – ‘a cup of tea and two (or three) slices of toast with marmalade please’. I sit down and then minutes later I get asked ‘Did you say Marmite with that sir?’ Or I overhear the question being asked by the staff, or I even get served with Marmite (which I can’t stand).

Clearly this could all be my fault, but:

  • I use some of these places a lot (e.g. one in St. James’ Park for the best part of two years) so I should be reasonably familiar
  • Yes they both begin with mar- but couldn’t people listen? Is Marmite really the most popular choice (maybe it is, so don’t read any more)
  • I am fairly sure I speak clearly, even early in the morning (maybe I’m deluded.


Theory 1: I have a clone / dopplegänger who travels at similar times to similar places, who I never meet and who prefers Marmite to marmalade

Theory 2: There is a way Marmite eaters behave / look that I accidentally mimic leading people to make mistakes

Theory 3: London is a complicated place and lots of versions of London are crowding a narrow locus of space-time(s). In one or more nearby worlds I eat Marmite and this is leading to the confusion.

Clearly Theory 3 is the most likely


About Tony Jones
Big Finish writer, reviewer and blogger, I'm interested in science fiction and Doctor Who. I review for CultBox, The Doctor Who Companion and others. I am also Lead Writer for Starburst Magazine, and write the occasional piece for Vortex, the BSFA critical magazine.

2 Responses to Do I look like I like Marmite?

  1. Pingback: In praise of the Greasy Spoon « Reality Checkpoint

  2. Pingback: Fear of Toast « Reality Checkpoint

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